My period started this morning. Heavy and hard. The second it started I almost passed out. It hasn't hurt me this bad in a long time. My back hurts and I am so weak I can barely move. I don't know what to say. I think that I wanted a baby so that I would have purpose and hope. Not the reason to have a baby. So everything is for the best. I just feel dead. I feel so lonely, but when people speak to me I have nothing to say. I feel like the world is spinning faster and faster and I can't keep up. Where is my place... where do I fit into it all. I don't even know who i am anymore. I would normally autocorrect and reason with how I feel with all kinds of crap about new motherhood yada yada yada. But I'm not going to. I'm jealous of other people's lives and I don't know how to fix it. Nothing makes me feel better right now. Nothing brings comfort. I want to cry but I can't. I'm just here watching the world go by. I'm crying out for someone to reach me and no one can. what am I going to do....what the hell am I going to do.