It's not ok

It has been awhile since I have posted. I have been struggling with a few things. As you all know my relationship with Alpha Mom has been strained to say the least. In my last post I decided it was ok that she treated me like that because friendship is not begging for someone's time. That's true, but you know what? It's not ok. It's not ok that she constantly makes me feel second rate. I know we all have our DEAR friends and our so so friends. I am obviously one of her so so friends. That's fine, I have them too. So why do I feel so betrayed? because I have shared my most vulnerable moments with her. My entire life I have never let people get close to me. But I let her get close and shared things with her that I have never discussed with anyone. She helped me birth my only child, one of the most vulnerable moments of my life and she won't even answer the phone when I call. It's not ok and I am incredibly hurt by it. I'm not being a bitchy woman in a cat fight, I am being a friend that is hurt. I have decided to talk to her about it and then resign myself not to count on her. something I have been putting off hoping things will change. But they won't, so I am giving up on ever meaning anything to her. I'm sorry Alpha Mom, I know you don't mean to but I am done.

I spent the holiday weekend with "copper" a local sheriff and his girlfriend "Georgia". we really hit it off and I am excited to have a new friend that is on the same level as I am. She is 28 and has two kids. So we have a lot in common and enjoy eachother's company. I think god knows when we feel alone and abandoned and helps us get through it. I am grateful that it all worked out and it helped me get to face my feelings about the Alpha Mom situation.

Bubble is getting molars and I have had to be very gentle with her. I have decided not to wean her at all. We have really hard days when I feel like I just can't do it anymore, but we get through it. I still enjoy being able to comfort her, so I will let her do it her way. she just isn't ready.

In other news, I don't think I am pregnant. I took one test and it was negative, but it was WAY too early because I am too impatient. but I am supposed to start this next week, so we will see what happens. Sometimes I think yes, and sometimes I think know. But I am already feeling PMS-ish so I think most likely no. It is a little bit of a relief to be honest. I don't know if I am ready to do this all over again since I am just starting to get my life back. But either way you know is meant to be. There is a reason for everything. So now we wait.