Serene day

I got up this morning and first thing found a 20 in my diaper bag. It must have been an omen that I was meant to get the bag I wanted. So I called to make sure it was still there, and of course it was because I was meant to own it. So, I went to the store and bought it which was a great start to the day. Then Started driving to my parents house to pick up a bookshelf for bubble's room. They own a lot of land in the country where I grew up. I knew Hubby would be gone until late tonight meeting with old friends, so I decided to go spend a day at the farm.

On the drive down the phone rings. "Alpha Mom" shows up on the caller id. I have to say that I knew what it was about before I answered. Her tone was serious and groggy. I tried to gauge how upset she was.
"hey, I need to talk to you about something"
"ok"
"I saw your pictures on Photographer's flickr account."

...pause..

" They are really stunning. I mean absolutely stunning."

...bitterly...

"thank you"
...wrong thing so say. Bang head on steering wheel....

"But I told photographer that it was really unprofessional not to have someone else there when you do pictures like that. He doesn't see it my way so I thought I would cut out the middle man and call you"

" I understand"

"I knew you would. That's why I called you."

"Not a problem at all. That's fine with me."

small talk continued a bit more about the subject. Then small talk about other things. I offered to show her how to make children's pants since I had just learned myself this week; and offer she won't take up. We hung up the phone to me feeling a bit guilty. Then it came into my mind how I knew that she was calling about the photos: she never would have called me just to say hi. In fact every time I want to chat I wait a few days until I can come up with something she might be interested in so she will talk to me for longer than three seconds. Oh well, I'm almost to the farm.

The rest of the day was complete serenity. The sun was warm and we took off our shoes. we walked the fences like I did as a kid and picked up sticks and pine cones with my dad. Bubble walked in the grass and let the sun shine on her head, something she doesn't do every day amist our daily lives. I longed to give her a place like this to grow up; Cows mooing and goats bleeting. Looking for eggs amongst the chickens. It was so pure and so simple. We splashed our feet in the pool and didn't care what time it was. I dug up some hastas. the same hastas that my dad had split and grown into a hundred plants from the time we were kids. Bubble slept in the floor in front of the fireplace for two hours: a record so far. The whole family sat on a blanket in the sun together making up for the times we hated eachother through childhood. It all comes full circle doesn't it? Life and death and rebirth. I decided to make it a ritual to come and reconnect on the farm on a more regular basis.

Now I am sitting on the porch back in not-so-suburbia drinking beer and writing to you. I am determined not to go inside until the very last scrap of light is gone, which is fast approaching. Maybe I will put on a coat and dig in the earth after dark.

I have had a long day to ponder these events. I am saddened by the lack of mystery that marriage creates. We no longer belong to ourselves or have our secrets. we lose our appeal to our spouses because ther is nothing left to find. And at the same time uplifted by the serenity and clarity of being disconnected and connected at the same time through the simplicity of a world without excess.

"can you show me dear, something I've not seen? something infinately interesting.."
"can you show me dear?"